"I want to have friends that I can trust. That love me for the man I've become not the man that I was." --The Avett Brothers
How many friendships have you had that have stood the test of time? The real frienships...the ones that are solid? For me, I can honestly say that I have quality over quantity. I don't have a ton of close friends or people I can count on for nearly anything but those friends that I do have love me with abundance. This is what I found out recently when I seen my prayers were answered a long time ago without me even taking the time to realize it.
I have old friends. I consider old friends to be those that have known me ten or more years. These old friends of mine have had disagreements with me. They've seen me at my worst. They've told me when I'm wrong and I've been mad at them for it (who really wants to hear the truth? After all, it hurts sometimes.) But these old friends of mine keep loving me no matter what faults I may have or what burdens I may carry with me. They laugh with me. We have inside jokes. We have memories that will never be forgotten. We often say "remember when?" I see my own self when I look at these friends sometimes.
I have friends who live different lifestyles than my own. I envy them sometimes. They seem so carefree and like they are holding the world in the palm of their hands. Anything is within reach to them because they have no ties to bind them. They pick themselves up and travel to new adventures and new territory often. They are free spirited. They appear perpetually happy. I envision them as being the girl with the hula hoop dancing by herself in the middle of a field, not caring who is watching or being the guy at the concert making friends with whoever happens to be standing next to him. I see my own self when I look at these friends sometimes.
I have friends who are much older than myself. They have a listening ear when I need one. They are the ones who can cheer me on but know that I'll have to make my own mistakes and learn from them just as they did at one time. They are settled and happy. They've been wild and now they just want to relax. They are the friends I like to sit with and discuss politics and the wrongs and rights of the world. We talk about religion and our purpose. I see my own self when I look at these friends sometimes.
I have new friends. These are the friends that don't know the ins and outs of me yet. They have no idea what kind of inner beauty I hold. They don't know that I get my feelings hurt easily, that I'll rarely speak up when somethings bothering me but instead let it boil inside and eventually simmer away, that I strive for perfection in my life but in reality will probably never get there and that I just long to be the girl that people want to be around. These new friends are willing to get to know the ins and outs and I'm willing to let them. They are eager to share their lives with me as I am with them. I see myself when I look at them sometimes.
Several months ago, I began feeling lonely. I started praying almost nightly for God to send an abundance of friends into my life. Did I think He was just going to have people start knocking on my door offering friendship to me? I kept praying. In the meantime, I lost my job. I've kept in touch with people who I was close to and in some ways, not seeing these friends on a daily basis has somehow brought us closer. When we talk, we talk about meaningful things. We are eager to get together when our busy schedules allow it. I also joined a church. People that I don't even know pray with me and pray for me now. I don't know them well, but I know that I can't sit next to someone in bible study every Sunday and not make friends. Eventually, I expect that I will have close friends through church. I joined a Mommies Group. The purpose initially was for me to have a place for Emme to make friends. She has but so have I. I have met some wonderful new friends and I know that we will continue to form closer relationships. And....I still have those old friends that I first mentioned. I'm reaching out to them more. I'm trying to be more conscious of realizing that they want to feel cherished and needed, just as I do. I'm trying to be the friend that I want others to be to me.
God answered my prayers but I had to be proactive. I had to want something bad enough. I had to take the time to think about and be grateful for the friends I already had. I never needed to replace anyone...I just needed to reach out more. And since doing so, I have an abundance of love and friendship in my life.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Bedazzled!
So, my girl got bedazzled today. Emme got pierced this evening and she is so very proud of her "new" ears. She keeps looking into the mirror every little bit to admire her beauty (and the little pink ice studs.) I have a girly girl on my hands, that's for sure.
Not only did she want earrings (yes, really my 1 1/2 year old WANTED earrings..she's been asking for them for awhile now) but she also wakes up every morning with the first word out of her mouth for the day being "bow." She wipes her sleepy eyes with one hand and points to her hair bows hanging off of her curtain with the other. Before she's even had breakfast she has a bow in her hair and shoes on her feet. Most days she can also be seen wearing her beloved rhinestone rimmed ga-ga's (glasses) too.
Not only did she want earrings (yes, really my 1 1/2 year old WANTED earrings..she's been asking for them for awhile now) but she also wakes up every morning with the first word out of her mouth for the day being "bow." She wipes her sleepy eyes with one hand and points to her hair bows hanging off of her curtain with the other. Before she's even had breakfast she has a bow in her hair and shoes on her feet. Most days she can also be seen wearing her beloved rhinestone rimmed ga-ga's (glasses) too.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Southern Ohio
Recently, I went back home for a visit and as always, I came to appreciate so many things that I used to take for granted. It's amazing to take notice of things that you miss without having even known that you were missing anything at all.
The majority of what I miss is the people. I miss my family but I'm grateful for how easy it is to pick right back up where I last left off. I showed up at my Aunt Sharon's house unannounced and was immediately welcomed in and felt sad when it was time for me to leave. I sat at the kitchen table in my Aunt Diana's house, drinking coffee and remembering all of the fun times I had when I was growing up with my cousin Angie. Now, she and I have little girls of our own. I stayed one night with my Aunt Donna and Uncle Lee and loved looking at old pictures with them and waking up to breakfast fixed for us by my uncle. The other two nights, I spent at my Dad's house and slept so soundly because for some reason, things always seem so peaceful and easy when I'm there. I also visited my Uncle Mike who I haven't seen in several years (and I have vowed to myself to not let that much time pass again without seeing him) I visited his house for the very first time ever and even though the electric was out because of a huge storm that had passed through, we sat at his kitchen table and talked for nearly two hours as his house grew darker with the sun going down. I spent time visiting my Dad's sisters and was glad to see them and especially my Aunt Rita who recently lost the love of her life after his battle with cancer. I was glad to see that she is coping (although she still has days that are hard) but she's making plans for her life going forward and knows deep inside that there are many more good times coming in her future.
I spent time with my friend Courtney who I have had a million more ups than downs with and who I always can tell my deepest secrets to. She listened to me while we had Giovanni's pizza (yet another thing I love about Southern Ohio) and as always, I immediately felt better after having a girlfriend to confide in.
And then there are things about home that aren't necessarily the people I love but the circumstances and things I failed to really appreciate before I moved. For example, the prettiest day lilies grow wild alongside Little Ice Creek. I never cared to pay attention to them before but now I see how the burst of orange color adds a bit of happiness alongside the creek that so many people have taken for granted and thrown their trash into.
I also noticed all of the strangers that throw their hand up to wave at me as I drove down County Road 19. For every single house that I passed where someone was standing outside, someone waved. Why are people in the city too busy to do this? It made me feel good and I felt like if my car broke down right that minute, there were going to be some really good people who would take the time to help me.
And lastly, while I'm talking about the kindness of strangers, I will tell one last story of my last visit to Ohio. As I was leaving my Aunt and Uncle's house, I came upon a little cemetery on the left hand side of the road. I hadn't visited this cemetery in probably 15 years or more but for some reason, I felt the need to stop and visit my grandmother's grave. Having not been there in so long, I wasn't exactly sure where her grave was actually located. I knew it was quite a ways back from the road but as I searched and searched, with my little toddler riding on my hip I began to give up. As I started to walk back to my car, there were two gravediggers working who stopped what they were doing and watched me. Instinct should have told me to be nervous because here I was out in the middle of nowhere with my little girl and two strange men in a quiet cemetery but instead I felt really calm. One of them asked if there was someone I was looking for. I told him my grandmothers name and then the two of them stopped working and walked along the cemetery with me until we found her headstone. If this had happened in any other town, I might have been afraid but there's something about home that is so familiar to me that even strangers don't feel like strangers.
While Louisville is now my new home, I know that I will continue to make visits back to my first home and with each visit, I'll continue to recognize things that make me proud of where I came from.
The majority of what I miss is the people. I miss my family but I'm grateful for how easy it is to pick right back up where I last left off. I showed up at my Aunt Sharon's house unannounced and was immediately welcomed in and felt sad when it was time for me to leave. I sat at the kitchen table in my Aunt Diana's house, drinking coffee and remembering all of the fun times I had when I was growing up with my cousin Angie. Now, she and I have little girls of our own. I stayed one night with my Aunt Donna and Uncle Lee and loved looking at old pictures with them and waking up to breakfast fixed for us by my uncle. The other two nights, I spent at my Dad's house and slept so soundly because for some reason, things always seem so peaceful and easy when I'm there. I also visited my Uncle Mike who I haven't seen in several years (and I have vowed to myself to not let that much time pass again without seeing him) I visited his house for the very first time ever and even though the electric was out because of a huge storm that had passed through, we sat at his kitchen table and talked for nearly two hours as his house grew darker with the sun going down. I spent time visiting my Dad's sisters and was glad to see them and especially my Aunt Rita who recently lost the love of her life after his battle with cancer. I was glad to see that she is coping (although she still has days that are hard) but she's making plans for her life going forward and knows deep inside that there are many more good times coming in her future.
I spent time with my friend Courtney who I have had a million more ups than downs with and who I always can tell my deepest secrets to. She listened to me while we had Giovanni's pizza (yet another thing I love about Southern Ohio) and as always, I immediately felt better after having a girlfriend to confide in.
And then there are things about home that aren't necessarily the people I love but the circumstances and things I failed to really appreciate before I moved. For example, the prettiest day lilies grow wild alongside Little Ice Creek. I never cared to pay attention to them before but now I see how the burst of orange color adds a bit of happiness alongside the creek that so many people have taken for granted and thrown their trash into.
I also noticed all of the strangers that throw their hand up to wave at me as I drove down County Road 19. For every single house that I passed where someone was standing outside, someone waved. Why are people in the city too busy to do this? It made me feel good and I felt like if my car broke down right that minute, there were going to be some really good people who would take the time to help me.
And lastly, while I'm talking about the kindness of strangers, I will tell one last story of my last visit to Ohio. As I was leaving my Aunt and Uncle's house, I came upon a little cemetery on the left hand side of the road. I hadn't visited this cemetery in probably 15 years or more but for some reason, I felt the need to stop and visit my grandmother's grave. Having not been there in so long, I wasn't exactly sure where her grave was actually located. I knew it was quite a ways back from the road but as I searched and searched, with my little toddler riding on my hip I began to give up. As I started to walk back to my car, there were two gravediggers working who stopped what they were doing and watched me. Instinct should have told me to be nervous because here I was out in the middle of nowhere with my little girl and two strange men in a quiet cemetery but instead I felt really calm. One of them asked if there was someone I was looking for. I told him my grandmothers name and then the two of them stopped working and walked along the cemetery with me until we found her headstone. If this had happened in any other town, I might have been afraid but there's something about home that is so familiar to me that even strangers don't feel like strangers.
While Louisville is now my new home, I know that I will continue to make visits back to my first home and with each visit, I'll continue to recognize things that make me proud of where I came from.
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